One of the things this lively debate crystallized for me is how hard it must be for people who have never questioned their sexuality to really grok the concept of "the closet".
What would it be like for a straight person to try to spend a day, or maybe a weekend, "in the closet"? Play the pronoun game! Avoid making appreciative remarks about people of your preferred gender! Avoid all lingering glances! When out in public with your partner, avoid any hint of affection! (Well, warn your partner first.) Try desperately to avoid macho/femme mannerisms! Doesn't that sound like fun?
I realized I liked girls "that way" when I was 13 or 14, so I got to go through most of adolescence trying very, very hard not to give myself away. The high school I went to was not an environment that was or is particularly gay-friendly, although lately the school itself does seem to be making a substantial effort. But in my day, you just... didn't come out. The one boy who did got himself emancipated and moved to the city because not even his parents supported him, and the one effort to set up a support group led to harassment and threats from whatever male sports team was active that season. I was on a sports team myself and... there was just no way.
That experience has left me with a couple of interesting scars. The most obvious one is that I am a complete disaster at any sort of casual physical affection. I spent so long worrying that if I touched any woman that she'd believe (or realize) that I was attracted to her that now I am almost totally incapable of initiating contact, and I'm almost as bad at accepting it without twitching and flinching and generally looking like a freak. Which annoys me, because I'd love to be one of those indiscriminately affectionate people, or at least be able to give people hugs without it being a Big Deal.
I wouldn't wish that aspect of my high school experience on anyone, but as a controlled experiment, I'd love to see some people trying to get a sense of it - consciously noting what they usually do without thinking that they'd have to change or stop doing altogether. Even without the threat of substantial social consequences for failure, it might give some folks a perspective they wouldn't find otherwise.
4 comments:
let's set aside the part where i know nothing of the context of your post.
just had to weigh in to say two things:
1) our support group did pretty well for ourselves, male athletes and idiot administrators notwithstanding!
2) i developed a similar paranoia about affection, right at that same time. i fight it somewhat, but it sucks a lot. you can be indiscriminately affectionate with me anytime, baby.
mwah!
Off topic but I did want to thank you for all your commentary and opinions about my entry and what Lum had posted; I appreciated the insight personally and even though a good chunk of comments were hostile and incapable of comprehending why any gay players should want to be able to say they're gay, I wanted to give you a gold star for the effort. ;)
Anna, I was actually talking about the abortive gay-straight alliance - it lasted such a short time I can't imagine why anyone'd remember it. CARE was a different story altogether :)
And, thanks, Joshus. I love Scott, but I don't love his commentariat.
Post a Comment