My Life and Karate, Day Seven

My dojo, Sun Dragon Martial Arts and Self Defense, is running its major yearly fundraiser. We're a nonprofit martial arts studio, which is something of a rare beast, and we raise money every year for our scholarship fund and the free self-defense classes we offer in the community. For my part, every day until the day of the Kickathon, I will write a random amusing anecdote about karate and self-defense - enjoy!

Several years ago, I decided to try the whole internet dating thing. This was in the Spring Street Network era, before eHarmony and OKCupid. I was looking for fun, maybe a little play, but definitely not a serious relationship. This led me to some... interesting people. And some good lessons in self-defense.

I can't remember if this woman was the first or second real-life date. She was, if I remember correctly, about 35 (I was 22,) a massage therapist, and interested in astrology. We exchanged a couple of emails, which went tolerably well, spoke on the phone for a few minutes, which didn't go horribly, and made a date to meet at a coffee shop. I gave her my birthday so she could do my horoscope, which sounded like a good pretext to talk.

I wasn't entirely thrilled by her, but I wasn't entirely repulsed, either. The horoscope was moderately interesting, and she was not unattractive, except she had a habit of smacking her lips every minute or so. I found that so thoroughly distracting that when we got to talking about massage, and she offered to give me a free one at her office - just a few streets away - I said yes.

We took separate cars - I wasn't that dumb, even then. I didn't find her physically threatening, but as I drove to her office my instincts were growing increasingly unhappy with the plan. I decided to go ahead, though - because I said I'd do it, and dammit, I'd do it.

Let me perhaps spoil the tension of the narrative by saying now that it really was her office, and that she really did give me a massage. Not a spectacular massage - she seemed a little distracted - but she made the effort. When she finished with my back and I rolled over, she kissed me. I remember the train of thought very clearly.

"Um. This isn't all that fun. It's not really her fault, though, and I did say I wanted some play. No, you know what? This isn't fun. I'm done here."

I disengaged, said something vague about not really being over my last relationship after all, and bailed. She was obviously disappointed, but didn't press the issue.

Which, you know, was nice. Because I had put myself in a really crappy position, in terms of safety. I was on her turf, in an office building after 9pm with no one around, and if things had gotten ugly I wouldn't have had very many options.

So there were a couple of learning experiences here - number one, if your gut says bail, bail and don't worry about manners - or pride. That's the one I did wrong. Number two, if you're not having fun, get out, move on, and don't worry about the other person. That's the one I did right. I am still glad I didn't let that scene go any further, and I'm sure she got over the disappointment almost immediately.

So yeah, this one probably wasn't very amusing, but these are topics that aren't always funny.

Self-defense training isn't just about learning how to punch people in the head. It's about learning how to recognize bad situations, avoid them if possible, and get out of them in the minimum number of pieces if not. Help us provide this training to more people - and particularly women - by donating $5 to our fundraiser!